


Bang Bang Tiger

by samcat



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: M/M, PTSD, Panic Attacks, past trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 12:12:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11252937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samcat/pseuds/samcat
Summary: Sebastian has recently returned back to London after having been captured. He was one of the few who escaped, but not unharmed. The mental trauma of having witnessed the others being tortured and executed is still affecting him.Thankfully, Jim is there with him to help him through it.





	Bang Bang Tiger

It had been almost four months since he came back. It had been rough in the beginning, especially the first couple of weeks, both when he was awake and when he was trying to sleep. But Jim had stayed by his side practically 24/7 and that had made it much more bearable than it would have been otherwise.

Not that things were all good now. But they had at least improved.

He hadn’t been able to sleep at all during the first week; he’d only been able to curl up in the bed with Jim, desperately clinging to him in the dark, until he got so exhausted one night that he passed out. After that things had slowly gotten better, even though he still couldn’t sleep without nightmares.

And now, it had been three full weeks since his last panic attack. Him and Jim had both started to feel hopeful that things could start moving back towards normal now, even though they both knew that it wouldn’t ever be smooth sailing like before.

He was sitting and cleaning one of his guns in their living room while Jim paced around the flat, talking on the phone in a language Sebastian didn’t understand. He was arguing, that much he could tell, because he kept slipping back into English to curse at the person on the other end.

He hadn’t been able to use any of his weapons since he got back, but he was not ready to give them up completely. He had always taken good care of them and had always taken great pleasure in doing so, so cleaning them was something that felt therapeutic for him. Even with the recent abundance of negative associations he had with guns.

Thankfully, he didn’t have a problem with them even after what had happened as long as they weren’t fired. They were still a source of comfort, something that felt familiar.

“Hello?” Jim’s voice was loud when he took the phone from his ear and looked at it, realizing that whoever he had been talking to had hung up on him. “Fuck!” Jim kicked the small dressed he was standing next to, sending one of its drawers and its content crashing out onto the floor.

The loud bang of the drawer hitting the floor sounded unbelievably loud to Sebastian. The gun he was holding fell out of his hand and clattered to the floor as well when he folded over, covering his head with his arms.

Jim was next to him in a heartbeat, kneeling in front of him and gently grabbing his arms.  
“Hey, hey,” his voice was soft, all the anger instantly washing away as he tended to Sebastian. “It’s okay, I’m sorry, it’s alright. I forgot. Please, Sebastian,” he stroked his arms. “It’s okay, you’re here with me. I’m not going to hurt you. You’re safe, you’re alright.”

Sebastian was crying. He was trying not to, but he was. He felt his heart racing and knew a full blown panic attack was coming. And although he hadn’t been expecting to be completely free from them anytime soon, or ever at all for that matter, he hadn’t thought that something like this would be able to set one off.

They stayed there, Jim kneeling and holding Sebastian while he cried and shook, until the attack was over. Sebastian was struggling to breathe properly through the crying, but just waiting the attacks out while offering soft words and touches was what had worked the best before, so that it what Jim did this time as well.

When Sebastian’s breathing started to even out, even though he was still shaking, Jim let go of the hug he had held him in and caressed his face with one hand.  
“Hey, tiger, tiger,” he mused. “Look at me.”  
Sebastian opened his eyes, having had them squeezed shut during the attack. His vision was still blurry from tears, but the sight of Jim still kneeling before him was a comforting one.  
“There you are. Hello, welcome back,” Jim said. “Short one this time.”  
“Didn’t-” Sebastian stopped and cleared his throat when he heard how broken his voice was. “Didn’t feel like it.”  
“Do you want me to make you some tea?”  
Sebastian nodded and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. He knew he must’ve looked pathetic, but he wasn’t able to muster up enough energy to care about it. And by now he had almost gotten used to showing vulnerability to Jim, although it still often left him feeling uncomfortable afterwards.

He accepted the tea from Jim when he came back with it. His hands were still sharking, but he was at least steady enough to hold the cup without spilling its content.

Jim moved over to quickly clean up the mess from the broken drawer while Sebastian drank his tea. Jim took a great deal of pride in keeping their flat pristine, so whatever mess either of them ever made there was always dealt with as soon as possible.

When he was done, he picked up Sebastian’s gun and placed it on the coffee table in front of him before sitting down in the sofa next to him.

Sebastian swallowed the last mouthful of tea and put the cup down next to the gun.

They sat in silence for a while, Sebastian focusing on catching his breathe and Jim keeping a watchful eye on him, ready to reach out to him if he thought he’d need it.

“We’re going to have to buy a new drawer again, huh,” Sebastian broke the silence and looked over at the one Jim had kicked, finding a strange pleasure in seeing something look as broken as he felt.  
“Yeah,” Jim said. “But maybe that’s good. Maybe building some IKEA crap is exactly what you need.”  
“Maybe,” he laughed and nodded. “I’ll need a break from cleaning guns sooner or later, I guess.”  
“Exactly. You need to get back into doing productive things.”  
“Do I?”  
“Yup,” Jim stretched out of the sofa. “I can’t keep doing everything around here forever. I need you back by my side.”  
“I’m here.”  
“I mean properly. Even if you can’t deal with loud noises anymore, there’s still plenty of useful things you could do. Starting with building some furniture.”  
He laughed again. “Fine.”

Jim smiled at him and reached out a hand, pulling him down lay down with him on the sofa.  
“Right now, though,” he murmured. “I think some lazy TV watching is in order.”  
Sebastian agreed and rested his head against Jim’s shoulder. Feeling the warmth of Jim’s body underneath him, combined with the background noise of the TV, made him feel drowsy after only a couple of minutes. Wondering is he would finally be able to take a nap without having to relive his horrors in yet another nightmare, he let himself fall asleep to the feeling of Jim’s fingers drawing circles on the back of his neck.

**Author's Note:**

> The prompt for this fic was:
> 
> _Maybe Jim could comfort Sebastian when his PTSD starts acting up like when Jim makes a loud bang either by accident or not that kinda makes Sebastian quiet and he's in a daze where not even Jim could get him out of so he just hugs him by putting Sebastian on his lap and rocking him all while saying "it's okay, you're not there anymore" over and over._
> 
> I didn't follow it perfectly, but... close enough.


End file.
